As I sit outside enjoying the early morning quiet, Isaac wakes up and comes to find me. He climbs up in my lap and snuggles in close under the blanket. I'm enjoying the sweet feeling of holding my baby, all his sweetness and love. I am overwhelmed with the privilege of being his mother, of being the one to get all these moments, to see his smiles, to comfort him, hold him, to be the one he calls mom. Then I think of his birth mother, what if circumstances had been different. My heart feels heavy guilty even. But then the Lord whispers, I have chosen you for him don't try to carry the weight of a decision you did not make. So I'll rest in that, For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways...For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9. It's hard to reconcile her great loss with my tremendous gain. So I pray for her and trust in the ways of my God.